were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
