im about as happy as oj after his trial
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
