I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
