i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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