shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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