I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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