i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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