I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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