Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
