This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
