found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
