I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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