tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize