and she was petting her beer can
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
