Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
