What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Farmville is her only friend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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