no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
