you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
