so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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