I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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