I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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