i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
