sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
