He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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