im having a threesome with these popsicles
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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