2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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