would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
