this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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