what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
