She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
