jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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