I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
