Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
