After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
