Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
