So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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