i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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