i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
