i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
