Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
