Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
