so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
