"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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