Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
