Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
