Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
