He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
