After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
