I am spending my child support on dildos
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
