By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
nutella sex= disaster
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
