I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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