Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
