I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
