I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
