We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
