i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
