i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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