i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
