ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
