i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
