im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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