Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
