question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
