His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
