I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
