I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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