DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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