this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
