going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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