I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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