you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
