mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
