Your tits are I can't wait for
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
