If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
