Your face is a jimmy john
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
