Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
