the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
