it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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