Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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