I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
