As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
