My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
