I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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