I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
