still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think a kid would responsible me up
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
