On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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