we have pet lesbian snakes
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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