I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
