i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
