The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize