yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
