How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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