apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
